Revelations
by otownsangel
Summary: Begins during the last scene of 'Fool For Love'. Buffy's thinking about things... Her relationship w/ a certain bleach blonde vampire to be exact. (Title subject to change. I didn't have much time to think about it.)
1. Prologue

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters… At least not the ones from the show… blah, blah, blah… You know the drill…  


~*~Okay, this is just a little something I threw together at 2 o'clock in the morning 'cause I was sitting at my computer listening to a quotes mix from 'Fool For Love' and I was suddenly hit by inspiration. If ya like it, tell me. If ya don't, tell me. Thanks for takin' the time to read this.~*~  


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Prologue

Now she felt terrible. Why had she done it? Why had she been she quick to tell him he was beneath her? He wasn't… She knew it. Fact was, he was the only one she had never been able to take out. The only one who could match her blow for blow and still come back for more… Every time. She'd met her match. And now she was beginning to wonder what exactly that meant. Somehow, she just couldn't kill him. No… It wasn't even that anymore. She didn't _want_ to kill him. How was that possible? Even with Angel… When he had become Angelus… Even with him, once she had seen what it was he was capable of, she'd _wanted_ to kill him. _Wanted_ him dead. With Spike… With Spike it was so different. So very, very different. 

So, back to the question at hand. _Why? _Why had she said it? No, wait, scratch that… Why did she feel guilty for saying it? This was Spike. The Big Bad. Her mortal enemy. The one person she hated more than anything in this world. But then, there was one tiny problem… She didn't. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate him. Not anymore. Actually, she got the feeling that she never really had. What she felt towards him… She had assumed it to be hate for so long, but now it was all strange. It wasn't hate. It wasn't loathing. It wasn't complete and utter disgust. It was… fascination. He fascinated her. Caught her attention in ways that no one else ever had. Everything before him had always been so black and white. Then, there he was, all smug and annoying… And tender and passionate. It was… strange. To say the least. This vampire… This man… He had so many layers. So many pieces that somehow managed to manifest themselves together to form this perfect being. 

Perfect? _Perfect?! _Had she actually just combined Spike with the word 'perfect'? And in the same sentence, no less? That was something that should _never_ happen. _Ever._ He was so not perfect. Except there was a little problem with that theory, too… He was. Everything about him was perfection, pure and simple. But how could a creature of the night, one who had tried to kill her numerous times for that matter, be the object of perfection. And was he to anyone else? He certainly was to her. 

Who was she kidding, anyway? Everything about him was incredible. The way he knew exactly what buttons to push to piss her off. The way all he had to do was smirk, and he could annoy the hell out of her without the slightest hint of vocal provocation. And the way his voice would soften with guilt, that no one else could hear but her, when he said something that hit too close to home. And he was gorgeous. That bleach blonde hair that looked as though, without the gel, it would be so soft to the touch. So easy to just rake her fingers through. Then there were his eyes. Those amazing eyes. So blue… So passionate. If anyone was proof that the eyes were the window into the soul, it was him… But wait, how was that even possible? He didn't have a soul… But still, she could read him like a book just by searching those cerulean pools of overwhelming sentiment. And of course his perfect cheekbones. So masculine… So well-defined. So perfect. Simply perfect. And those lips. Soft and gentle. So… Un-spike like. Not something she had expected from him. Definitely not something she had expected from him. 

Okay, yeah, she admitted it. She still thought about that day. When they had been engaged. For awhile, she had actually convinced herself that when the shiver ran down her spine from the memory, it was a reaction of disgust. Ha! Now _that_ was funny. And if she had hated it so terribly much, then why hadn't she actually taken Willow up on that forgetting spell? Okay, so she _had_ been the one to bring it up, but only once. After that, never again. Fact was, she didn't want to forget. She liked the memory. It had seemed… right. Okay, again… _so_ not something she should be thinking about Spike. But she was.

Now, here they were, sitting on her porch steps, his hand resting on her back in an awkward, yet comforting gesture, and she still didn't know why she had said it. Or why he was here for that matter. Well, yeah, the whole shotgun thing kinda screamed 'I'm here to kill you', but he wasn't… Killing her, that is. He had come here for it, yes, but he wasn't going to go through with it. And now here he sat, eyes full of confusing concern, and he's not pushing… He asked if she wanted to talk about it, but he hadn't pushed. And now he was beside her, and ready to hold her and comfort her in any way possible. She knew that somehow. Right here, right now… He would do anything for her. Anything to stop her tears from flowing. And she surprised herself… She wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him everything. About her mom, about Riley, about Dawn… About everything. She wanted him to know… Wanted him to hold her. Wanted to cry out years of pent up emotion on _his_ shoulder. No one else… Just him.

__

And at that moment, she found her answer. The reason she had said it… She was afraid. When he had tried to kiss her… She had _wanted_ him to…

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~*~Alright, I know probably boring… And I'm guessing quite a few mistakes, too. Kinda getting' late… Or, well, I guess technically it's early… But anyway, if ya like it let me know. I'm considering continuing it, but I'm not sure yet, so… ya know… Anyway, I think I'm gonna go to bed now… Thanks for takin' the time outta your busy lives to take a peek at my lame attempt at originality… Exactly _how _many people have done this before? LOL. J ~*~


	2. Chapter 1

~*~Thanks so much to those of you who reviewed. Wow. 9 reviews on the first day, and for the first chapter… I'm flattered. Honestly, I was ecstatic when I read 'em… Not used to such long and… well, good reviews. I was so flattered, despite the fact that my main focus right now is my other story, **Love Is Broken** (which I _will_ start typing up again soon, by the way), that I decided to write another chapter today. Don't expect it to be up to standards, though, 'cause this time I was actually awake when I wrote it. LOL. Ya know how, when ya write something at 2am, you expect it to be crap, and make absolutely no sense in the morning when ya re-read it? Well, it seems that semi-consciousness state works best for me… LOL. Alright, now that I see how long this thing is, I hope none of you actually sat here and read my mindless rant, 'cause I just _severely_ wasted your time… So anyway, I'm gonna stop babbling now, and let you read before I lose ya for good…~*~

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Chapter 1:

For a long time, she simply sat beside him, her mind and her heart battling everything out. Her mind screamed that this was wrong. That she should put a stake in him, right here and now, for simply showing up with the intentions of taking her out. But her heart… Her heart wouldn't allow for her to do anything of the sort. That part of her wanted to give in more than anything in this world. Wanted to let go, and show him the vulnerable little girl who was hidden so completely under her Slayer skin… And that part of her had always been stronger than the rest. When her heart wanted something, all sensible thought fled from her and all that was left was that desire. Emotion was stronger than conscience, as had been demonstrated time and time again by the very man who was sitting but centimeters from her at that very moment… And emotion got the best of her…

"Do you really care?" It was nothing more than a hesitant, breathy whisper. One so silent that she knew no mortal ever could have picked it up. But he wasn't mortal… And he heard her clearly. Part of her cursed him for his extra-sensitive hearing, even as the rest of her sighed with relief.

Still, she didn't look up at him. She wouldn't… She was too afraid of what it might reveal. Then, she realized he had said nothing. Why? Why hadn't he answered her? Maybe she was wrong after all. Maybe he wasn't there to comfort her. Was this all part of his plan? Fresh tears flooded her eyes as the thoughts rolled through her scattered mind, and she looked up at him, eyes filled with anger and the pain of apparent betrayal, half expecting to be staring down the barrel of his shotgun. What met her eyes instead, stunned her into silence.

He was waiting. Waiting for her to look at him. To look into his eyes. His head was tilted slightly to the right as his paralyzing blue eyes stared right through her and straight into her soul. They held a deep concern, mingled with a soft light of compassion that she had never seen before... In anyone… And it warmed her entirely… Straight through to the deepest, darkest corners of her heart. The ones that had never been touched by anyone before him. But he had found his way there. And there, without her consent, he had tucked himself away. Never to be lost or forgotten. And in those incredible eyes, she saw something so deep and passionate, she wasn't sure even he was capable of it. But it was there… Exactly what was it? Was it… love? Could it be love? Did she _want_ it to be? No… No, couldn't want that, right? She loved Riley… Didn't she?

Oh god, this couldn't be happening. How could she be questioning her love for Riley? And why did it have to be Spike who was the cause for her indecision? The feelings he caused to overtake her. The questions he was able to raise in her subconscious. All of them questions she was unwilling to answer. Hell, she wasn't even willing to acknowledge them… And yet they were there. Manifesting themselves in the back of her sleepless mind, where she was fully aware of them, and yet not…

And then she felt his cool, strong hand reaching up to gently trace his fingertips along her jaw line, feather soft, before they came to rest at her chin, tugging softly in an attempt to lock eyes with her. All coherent thought was lost as she felt the tenderness of his gesture and saw the ever-loving look that claimed his eyes. She was lost. Lost in the feeling of his fingers on her skin. Lost in the look of pure emotion found in those deep pools of aqua. Lost in the perfection that was Spike. 

"Of course I care." 

His whisper was filled with unspoken meaning. Such simple words. It was amazing the way that tiny phrase alone suddenly made everything okay. 

She watched him as his eyes swept over her features. Taking in everything that was Buffy. Everything he had ever wanted all swept into this one angelic being. He was reading her. Trying to decide whether she was getting her stake ready, or letting her defenses down. The second. Definitely the second. Her resolve was crumbling, and they both knew it. When he had arrived, she hadn't been crying. Not really anyway. At that point, she had been fighting the tears back with everything she was, and the damp tracks that had cascaded down her soft, pale cheeks had escaped their barrier forcefully, but there were few of them. Now, her cheeks were glistening in the moonlight and he could see the way her lip was quivering slightly. And as she bit down to keep a sob from escaping, she knew he had caught it, and suddenly she no longer cared…

In seconds, she had collapsed against him, letting loose all the pain and fear and vulnerability that was buried so deeply inside of her. All the emotion that had built up through her years as the Slayer. And as she cried against his chest, she felt him reach for her. Wrapping himself around her possessively. Holding her to him in a protective gesture of comfort. 

There, in that moment, she felt protected… loved… safe. And she was. She knew she was. In his arms, nothing could touch her. Nothing but him. And it was perfect. The way he was holding her. It fit so perfectly. In that moment, everything was exactly as it should be. Vampire or not he was there, and he made her feel like she belonged. Through all her years as the Slayer, she had never truly felt that she belonged in this life. But now she knew… She knew she did. Without this destiny, she never would have found him. And a life without him would never have been worth it. Even if she wasn't willing to admit it to him yet… Well, at least not completely yet… Right now, she was pretty convinced the whole crying in the arms of her mortal enemy thing was a dead give away of this sudden shift of power.

He had it now… Control… Over her anyway. He had her and he knew it… They both knew it. But she'd be damned if she was gonna give him this without the slightest bit of resistance. This was wrong, and her mind screamed at her to fight it. And she would… But not now. Now she needed this… Tomorrow. There was always tomorrow… Maybe…

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~*~Well, there ya have it… Chapter 1. I swear, there will eventually be conversation. I think they're thinking too much… Are they thinking too much? God, _I'm_ thinking too much… 4am is _so_ not a good time of day. I'm considering changing the title to something to do with perfection. Unless it's just the caffeine talking… It could be just the caffeine. Way too much mountain dew today… So anyway, I was thinking maybe "Simply Perfect", or something to that effect, 'cause I seem to be continuously ranting about how perfect Spike is… Any other ideas? Let me know if you've got one. And thanks again for all the good reviews. I really appreciate it…~*~


	3. Chapter 2

~*~I kinda, sorta stuck this in Spike's point of view for a little while… It wouldn't have turned out right otherwise… But it'll go back… Probably back and forth from now on, actually…~*~

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Chapter 2

As Spike sat on the steps of her porch, the Slayer huddled in his arms, he felt her shiver against him and noticed the goosebumps rising on her milky soft skin. He didn't want to disturb her, he really didn't… But the air that enveloped them was growing colder by the second, and he knew it was beginning to sink into her. Already he could feel her body temperature dropping and he knew that keeping her out here much longer would lead to disaster. Wouldn't do him much good to have a sickly Slayer on his hands, now would it? Hell, the rest of her little Scooby gang would probably try to blame him when she came down with a nasty case of the flu… Any excuse to put a stake in him seemed to work for them. No matter how ridiculous. 

Reluctantly, he shifted slightly, trying his best to gently ease her off of him. It wasn't working. She wasn't having any of it. Instead of cooperating, she clung to him tighter, hugging him to her desperately. And when he again tried to move her, this time just a bit more forcefully in an attempt to get his point across, she squeezed him against her so tightly, if he had been human, he would have suffocated in her firm grip. When he heard her whimper her objection, he nearly let a tiny chuckle escape him. Did she actually think he was going to leave her here like this? Even _he_ wouldn't stoop _that_ low…

And that was exactly what she was thinking. In all her hysterics, that one, barely noticeable shift had her believing he was going to get up, brush himself off, smirk, and walk away. More ammo for him to use against her later on… And it scared her. She didn't want to lose this moment. Couldn't lose it… All she wanted to do was stay wrapped in his arms forever, and that was exactly what she planned on doing. Losing contact meant reality. Reality meant realizing exactly what she was doing. Realizing what she was doing meant nasty words and threatening stakes. She wasn't ready for that… Not yet. All she wanted was for him to hold her, and she was damn well gonna have it. He wasn't gonna pull away. She wasn't gonna let him. Not yet… Not until she was ready to let go…

Realizing she wasn't going to move, and that he wasn't going anywhere without her, a small, contented smile touched his lips. This was actually happening… She was really here, letting him hold her and comfort her. She hadn't run to her beloved Soldier Boy… She had run to him. His Slayer was here in his arms, willingly… And it was true. She was his. Whether she knew it yet or not, she was his. For so long she had fought this… Pushed it away as though it was the most horrible, disgusting thing in this world. That hurt him a little… But just a little. To be completely honest, he had done the same thing. They both had. It _was_ only natural to do so. Mortal enemies don't typically snuggle up on the couch at night and try to decide what to watch on the tele… Just didn't happen that way. And yet, here they were… Curled in the arms of the enemy. Just letting it be. And it was… No matter how hard either of them tried fight it, it was… It was perfect. It was right. It was everything it should be and so much more. Perfect… Simply perfect.

That rare, oh so genuine smile still intact, he attempted carefully, gently to change her position… Just slightly… Again, the slight shift of movement startled her, and again she whimpered her disapproval… This time though, it was in the form of an actual, comprehendible phrase…

"No…" she murmured into his neck. "Don't go… Don't leave me…"

This time, he really did let an amused, though not mocking, chuckle escape himself. Pulling back slightly, pushing her away just a bit, he caught her chin and gently tugged until her soft, hazel eyes met his. "Never…" he whispered sincerely. "You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

Overwhelmed with joy, she once again entangled herself with him. A tiny giggle even managed to escape her lips as she cuddled against him, less forcefully this time. She knew now… She knew he wasn't going anywhere… It was perfect. This was perfect. _They_ were perfect…

"Come here…" he whispered gently as he hooked one arm under her knees, and the other slid tentativelyaround her shoulders. "Gettin' to cold out here for you, pet. Gotta get ya inside before ya catch cold…"

As she tried to swing her arms around his neck, one hand defied her and came to rest softly on his cheek, her thumb caressing. So sweet, too sweet… So sweet. She felt herself being lifted from the ground as though she were nothing more than a feather… And she loved it. Feeling helpless, yet protected. Vulnerable, but safe… It was nice to feel that for once _she_ needed someone. Not the other way around. For so long, she had been the protector… Of everything. Now he was here, and everything was as it should be… 

And as he carried her away into the house, one word came to mind… Perfect…

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~*~Thanks to everyone who's reviewed this… I love feedback… I don't really like the way this chapter turned out though… Not so good with the actual explaining of events, or at least I don't think so… And it's short… Very, very short. But again it's 3:42 in the morning, and I need sleep, so to be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm talkin' about right now… Storywise, along with everything else… So I think I'm gonna go now… Reviews are definitely appreciated… Thanks!~*~


	4. Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

They were on her couch now, and she still hadn't let go. She was curled snuggly against his body, and she didn't intend on moving… Not anytime soon, at least. It was funny how her moods changed. Not an hour ago, she would've kicked his ass for even voicing the thought. As it was, she had now entangled herself with him, and he was holding her, and she was smiling… _Really_ smiling… It wasn't one of those _'I'm-so-happy-because-I-have-to-be'_ smiles… It was pure, genuine happiness. It was her life falling into place for the first time. Her heart giving itself away to the man who's arms were wrapped around her at that very moment. Albeit, he _had_ been her mortal enemy… But not so much anymore. In fact, he hadn't been evil for a very long time now… If he ever truly had been. Had he ever actually been evil? Seemed to her that if he really had been, he would've killed her long before the chip. And then a small piece of their earlier conversation came rushing back to her. Flooding her mind with brand new thoughts…

_'You think we're dancing?'_

'That's all we've ever done.'

Well, he had been right after all. Dancing. That _was_ all they had ever done. It was a game to him… To both of them. A dance… Always stay one step ahead. Don't let you're opponent take the lead. If you're not leading, you're dead… But not this time. This time no one won… And at the same time, both of them did. One dance had ended, and another had begun. Which one would turn out to be of the better in the long run, she didn't have a clue… All she knew was that right here… right now… being in his arms was perfect. Feeling these things toward him was right. Everything was at a perfect balance, and that was how it should be. 

And she made her decision. If anyone could help her through this… If anyone could make it alright… It was him. And she needed someone. Someone who would do nothing more than listen and offer a shoulder to cry on. Someone who wouldn't expect more of her… Who wouldn't expect her to be strong. Never once had he expected anything more from her than that which she could give. He let her be Buffy… Not the Slayer. Just Buffy. To everyone else, she was the strong one. The one who held things together. But to him… To him she was just Buffy… And she could tell him…

"Spike?" she whispered, as her fingers stroked the soft, silky hairs at the back of his neck. She didn't look up. There was no need. 

"What is it, luv?" he questioned gently, his hand making slow, soothing circles on her back.

Her free hand moved to his duster and she nervously fiddled with the collar. Was she sure about this? Was she sure that she wanted to open her heart to him? And this… completely? After all, he _was_ still her mortal enemy. Well, okay, so he wasn't… But he was supposed to be. Should she try to turn this all back now? Would he let her take it back? Maybe she wasn't ready to give her heart away again… And then, of course, there was the tiny problem that walked and talked and went by the name of Riley. 

Riley… She'd almost forgotten. Oh, hell, she _had _forgotten. Wasn't like things were really all that great between them anyway. Sure, they put up the front… Pretended, even with one another, that everything was all fine and dandy… But it wasn't. It hadn't been since he had nearly gotten himself killed by refusing to let that Initiative doctor take care of him. Since Spike had tried to get the chip out of his head. Since she had said something along the lines of _'If I wanted someone with superpowers, I'd be dating Spike!' _She nearly laughed out loud at that one. Ironic, wasn't it? Not all too long ago, she had been disgusted by simply the thought. Now she was wrapped in his arms and about to spill all her problems on him… Not exactly the way she had thought this would go… But she liked it…

Sighing heavily and still not looking him in the eye, Buffy continued to play mindlessly with the collar of his jacket. The decision was made, and she was going to tell him… She just had to figure out how. It wasn't exactly easy to decide where to start in on explaining your life's problems… Especially when the man she was explaining them to had tried to kill her more times than she'd like to count. Again, she sighed. Maybe she should just blurt it out… Make it quick, try to keep herself from breaking down in front of him… Then again, she _had _just spent God only knows how long crying her heart out on his shoulder, so she got the feeling the whole _'I'm-okay-with-it' _routine wasn't really gonna work on him. But then, did it ever? He always knew what she was thinking. When she was lying. When she was hiding something. He knew her better than anyone. What did they say about that? Always know your enemy? Apparently, it wasn't the most intelligent idea. Judging from their position right now, knowing your enemy could be a very dangerous thing… It could lead to this… Something the majority of enemies didn't feel particularly inclined to purse. Or so she had thought, anyway.

"Pet?"

The gentle, soothing voice broke her from her silent reverie. How long had she been daydreaming since she had whispered his name? Finally, she glanced up into his soft blue eyes. When she saw the concern that had defiantly seeped into them, a light smile touched her lips. Must've been awhile since she'd last spoken… He was already worried. Despite everything that was going on, she couldn't keep the sudden happiness of perfection from draping itself over her features. Even though she felt that, at the moment, she had no right to be happy, she was… But not because she wanted to be… Because she needed to be. She needed something solid. Something that could hold her to this earth, even as she felt herself giving up bit by bit. He was that something. Not her _'ties to the world'_, as he had earlier referred to her family and friends… They weren't keeping her here… He was… He always had…

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~*~Hey, look! We're gonna get conversation in the next chapter! That is, if I don't get off track and start ranting… _again_. The whole big conversation seen? Supposed to be this chapter… Didn't happen. Got other ideas, and decided to go with 'em. Oh well, I'll get to it eventually. Really I will. Anyway, thanks so much for your reviews… You guys are so nice! And by the way, if you don't like it, you _can _say something… Well, I'll update again soon, I hope… Probably won't be till next weekend though. School and all…~*~


	5. Chapter 4

~*~Alright, I know, I know… It's been forever since I've updated. Not intentional, just haven't had the chance with school and all… Don't know how well this fits together, 'cause I wrote the first three paragraphs like a week and a half ago, and so I kinda lost that train of thought, but it's still gonna end up in the same place… For the most part… Hope ya like it. Review if ya get the chance, and thanks again to those of you who have already reviewed…~*~

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Chapter 4

There she was, nestled innocently in his arms as she continued to contemplate a way to let it all out to him, her fingers still playing distractedly over the soft leather material of his coat. Sighing heavily against his chest, she snuggled closer and glanced up at him. She almost giggled happily at the sight before her. Those beautiful blue eyes were boring into her again… Curious, wondering… When he saw the smile spread across her face, he returned the gesture, his lips curling up into a soft, contented smile. His eyes were full of love as he tried to gently coax the story out of with the slow, smooth patterns he was drawing on her back with his cool fingertips. She knew what he was doing. He was trying to relax her. To comfort her to the point of assurance. To let her know that she could let it all out when she was with him… That it didn't matter what the others would think of her when they found out, be it about him, or the fact that she truly did have weaknesses. 

For a moment, he wondered if anyone else had ever gotten to see this side of the incredible woman in his arms. Could this be something that was reserved solely for him? Something that no one else would ever be allowed to witness? Something deep down told him that that was, in fact, the case. There was something between them… Something neither of them could deny any longer. Outside, on the porch, she had shared something with him… Something so very intimate. There had been no words, because there had been no need. All she had needed from him then was silent comfort. A shoulder to cry on… Someone to hold her. Someone who wouldn't insist that everything was okay. Someone who wouldn't tell her that she had to be strong. This wasn't a time that required her strength. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but he knew damn well that it had nothing to do with the slaying, and that meant that she shouldn't need to pretend that she was okay with whatever it was. 

She didn't understand that yet… She hadn't separated the Slayer from Buffy. The Slayer was strength. Buffy was emotion. A huge difference. One she needed to realize before she drove herself insane by never letting another take charge… By never letting herself be taken care of. But right now, she was opening up. She was letting her guard down, and she was allowing herself to be cared for… By him. If only she would tell him what was wrong… She would, he knew. He just needed to be patient. To wait until she was ready. And he would. He would wait forever and a day for the chance to be the one she let in. And somehow, he knew he would be. This was something no other had ever had. Not Riley… Hell, not even Angel. Angel had been her first love, he knew, but that didn't matter. Who had gotten into her heart first wasn't relevant… It was who got there last. And he knew he could be that one. And he would be…

Sighing heavily against his chest, she decided it was now or never… If she was going to tell him, she was going to do it now, and that was that. The best way? Say it straight… Don't beat around the edges, just let him in… And that, she intended to do. Yes, he was a vampire. Yes, he was her former mortal enemy. And yes… He was the one who was there. The one she needed… So again, she brought her eyes to meet his, and now, they were all seriousness. No more games. Just honesty… Truth. _'The truth will set you free.'_ she told herself as she prepared for what she was about to do. 

"It's mom." she barely whispered, the sound almost inaudible, even in the silence of the house. 

"What? What's wrong? Did something happen to Joyce?" He tried to mask the sudden fear that he felt, he really did… It didn't work. The concerned stutter that had invaded his voice was evident, he knew. What could he say? He'd always liked Joyce… Hell, he'd never even considered killing her. Not even when he could have. _That_ said something. Even Buffy hadn't been held that high in regard before he got the chip. Sure, he probably never would've killed her, but the thought had been there… Though, he suspected that it was actually nothing more than the fact that he was supposed to want her dead rather than any actual urge to put her in the ground. But Joyce had never even gotten a thought in that respect… She'd always been nice to him. Treated him like he was a person, rather than an evil, soulless vampire. That had always flattered him… 

Besides his own liking for her, Spike didn't even want to consider what it would do to Buffy if anything ever happened to her. It would rip her apart, and he damn well knew it. Wasn't her life hard enough as it was? Now something was wrong with Joyce? Could her life get any more difficult? It wasn't fair… But then, what in this life is?

Buffy nodded dumbly as moisture again began to scatter her eyes, threatening to leak onto her already tear streaked face. Again, she had to stop and think about her reply. It wasn't exactly an easy question. Fact was, they didn't know if anything was wrong. It could still be nothing… And it could still be something. Probably was something if they were taking her in to run more tests. And if it was nothing, then why had she passed out in the middle of the kitchen the other day? That didn't point to nothing. Nothing didn't make you collapse in the middle of kitchen while making breakfast… That wasn't nothing, and Buffy didn't care how negative her thoughts were. How else was she supposed to feel?

Still, a light smile touched her lips as she recognized the concern that he was so desperately trying to hide from her. She knew he wasn't doing it because he wasn't supposed to care… It was his way of staying strong for her, even though, for a moment, she wished he wouldn't attempt to hide his concern. It was nice to know that someone else cared… Someone who wasn't exactly a member of the group, but more a friend of her mother's. Not so much all the time, but sometimes. When the two of them were around one another. She knew that if she were to pick Spike over Riley, Joyce would probably praise her for it. Not that her mother didn't like Riley… She did. Just not as much as she liked Spike…

Well, that was probably a good thing 'cause Buffy liked Spike, too… Buffy liked Spike _a lot_. As in a lot, a lot. And she planned to act on it as soon as she had poured her heart out to him. He'd accept her, right? Of course he would… How could he not feel the same way when he was holding her like this? When he was making her feel more loved and needed than she had ever felt with anyone in her entire life? They could be good for one another… They _would_ be good for one another…

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~*~Okay, I know it's not up to standards, at least not in my eyes… Originally, I did this 'cause "Seeing Red" pissed me off and I felt the need to rewrite history. Now, though, I'm kinda likin' the way it's turnin' out with Spike gettin' his soul back and all, so my need to recreate what happened is kinda deteriorating. Don't worry, though, if ya like it, 'cause I don't plan on stopping… Oh, and by the way, if anybody wants to e-mail me, feel free… I need some Buffy lovin' friends… LOL… But if ya do, ya might wanna use brock3005@aol.com, 'cause I don't check my yahoo e-mail as much as I should. Alright, I'm done babbling now…~*~


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